Vaxhaull Insignia: Designed to kill you

This car is horrible to drive. 

Through no fault of my own I'm driving a rental Vauxhall Insignia. I wish I wasn't.

It's apparently a "like for like" replacement for my Skoda Octavia vRS. Now, of course, the Skoda's not the most wonderful car on the market - but actually it turns in great JD Power satisfaction results year after year and frankly, is a big-smile-of-joy to drive. 

Not so the Vauxhall. Within 30 seconds I disliked this car. Within 10 minutes I hated it. Let me catalogue a few of the failings.

Ergonomics and usability

I expect to get in a car and figure out to use it in 30 seconds. Consider me new-fashioned but that's the way of the busy modern world. And I design voice user interfaces. 

I can barely begin to catalogue the ergonimic failings of this car - some verging on dangerous. But here are a few:

• Hard to adjust wallowy seat with very hard lumbar support and a bizzare combination of manual and poorly-labelled electric controls. 
• Overloaded with controls of poor design. An example being the "turnable" controls (e.g. for trip computer) on the fingertip stalks. Not only is this type of control hard to location and control accurately (turning motion on the stalk can be prone to operate the stalk in other unintentional directions) but more importantly, you can't fingertip control them - you have to take your hand completely off the wheel to operate. (In contrast, in the Octy, every steering and stalk control can be operated by finger tip).  You can see one such control in the picture below.

I can't decide which of the next two failings are the most ludicrous and/or dangerous.

• First is the console control panel for the audio sytem. A swathe of indistinct plastic which at its biggest is 7 buttons wide by 5 buttons high. Yes, that's right 7 BUTTONS WIDE x 5 BUTTONS HIGH. Why on earth does it need so many buttons? This car doesn't even have extra features like electric seats or bluetooth. And if it does need so many buttons, why do they have to be so unfriendly, badly labelled and hard to navigate by touch.
  You really have to take your eyes off the road to operate this.

• Perhaps the piece de resistance, however, is the insane placement of the gear indication on the automatic gear stalk. When the gears are in use it is completely obsucured from the driver! As a result of this I accidentally selected reverse at one set of traffic lights when I was aiming to select neutral. And there is no indication of the gear the car has selected in the driver's display. The whole set up is dangerous to the point of negligence. I've created a superimposed photo below of the gearstick in two positions, showing how in use it blocks the gear markings. 

Handling 

Woolly and indistinct. You can't really tell how hard you are pressing the brakes, and the steering wheel connects with the road as if through a bungee cord. In fact, it's so like a bungee cord, when you turn a corner the steering is threatening to rip itself out of your hands to return to centre. It actually feels dangerous. Feel the road? No - all I can feel is my heartbeat panicking.

Visibility and Functionality

horrible visibility out the narrow back window, with huge 'C' pillars - made worse by a pointy boot that you can't see the end of. 

Speaking of the boot - it's deep but loses so much width due to needlessly fat rear wings. What makes it worse is the pointed boot lip. But even worse is the non-flat floor. It has so many ridges and "shelves" that it's more like the floor of the Atlantic ocean.

Overall? A triumph of form over function

Installing an iPhone TomTom power cable behind the dashboard

Here's some pictures of how I wired a TomTom iPhone mount behind the dash of a VW Passat.

Note, this didn't involve finding a new power source or wiring to the fuse box. Instead power was taken from the 12v lighter/accessory socket in the ashtray. The actual ashtray was removed (it is designed to be removable) so it can be put back at a later date.

The jack end of the tomtom power cable can be stowed in the ashtray cavity when not in use, with the lid closed - hiding it from view. 

To perform this job requires a couple of tools designed for the job. Ideally you need "dash tools" - these are strong plastic wedge shaped tools that allow you to pop the fascia off the front of the dash. The fascia in all modern cars is just clip on plastic. You also need a suitable star-shaped spanner set - as most car fittings use this form factor. This is used for removing bolted in items such as the ashtray container and air conditioning controls. A set for about £20 is a good investment if you intend working on your car a few times or on several cars. Finally, i also used a "magnamole" - a new invention (as shown on Dragon's Den") of bendy flexible sticks with a magnetic end - very handy for routing and picking up wires in small spaces you can't get your hand.

The tomtom itself is mounted on the dash using the standard suction mount onto a tomtom-supplied sticky disc, designed for the purpose. They cost about £5 for two. (I've also used one to mount a video camera in the rear of my car)

Pictures of the installation follow:

starting the job: dash fascia removed (tools shown on seat)

upper cable routed behind air vents

 This was a bit tricky getting the USB end through the small hole. Ideally I'd have gone through the gap at the side, but it was just too small.

cable routed behind A/C controls to drop down behind lighter socket

This was the bit that needed the Mangamole to pick up the USB cable from behind the lighter power socket. I removed the A/C controls and dropped the rod down behind to grab the metal end of the cable from inside the lower part of the dash.

 Hole drilled in ashtray cavity to route power cable

     Drilling the hole was unavoidable - the ashtray cavity is totally sealed and any attempts to come round/over the side/top prevent the flap from working. However, the actual ashtray has been removed (it's designed to for cleaning/emptying) so the hole is easily covered if the cable is removed and the ashtray replaced.  

finshed job - mounted on a tomtom dash suction plate

The final job is pretty neat and discreet. It avoids those tell-tale suction marks on the windscreen that thieves love and with or without the mount in place is easily covered with a small hat :-)  It is also much safer for driving as there is no risk of the trailing cable getting caught up in anything (gear lever, hand) and the iPhone is in much closer reach of the driver.

The power cable stows neatly in the ashtray when not in use and is plugged into the lighter socket when required.

The positioning of the iPhone tomtom also improves handsfree performance as both speaker and mic are closer to the driver.

Finally tempted my brother to the dark side...

After what must be the best part of 20 years driving exclusively volvo, I never thought my brother would defect. But he has! He's bought a Skoda!

I think the pressure has been gnawing away from within the family network - not only did I defect from Volvo/Saab (I like my fast, swedish, quirky cars) to Skoda a few years ago, but so did my sister (at the same time and completely independently) and finally my mother recently, prompted by the UK scrappage scheme. 

The leap on paper was big for me - not only from a 300bhp SAAB to a "lesser" badge, but a diesel car at that. But, I was too tempted by the alarming regularity of rave reviews, much lower all round purchase & running costs, capacious load carrying, and a fun pokey engine in the vRS - which is essentially a Golf GTI by another name and body shell. 

I've never looked back. Thrilled by fun, low cost, high economy motoring, not a day goes past without the car putting a smile on my face. A spirited drive does not cost the earth, unlike that of my brother's volvo T5 - for which you have to take steps to arrange a bank loan before you give it a long blast through the mountains. And, should you care to chip your diesel vRS you can have 430Nm of torque propelling you past pretty much any line of traffic. Even my 300bhp saab only managed 400Nm. 

So, spurred by Skoda's current "tax free" deal (i.e you pay list price before VAT is added, saving about £3500 on a top spec car) my brother has jumped ship - also to a diesel Octy vRS estate. He won't regret it. Not to be outdone, I'm changing mine too - for the same thing. This is the first time I've replaced a car with one the same - that's how much I love my Skoda. 

It'll be interesting to compare cars - his is the manual, mine will be the DSG auto (with flappy paddles). Both will benefit from the new common rail diesel engine which allows a higher rev limit, and if my test drive is anything to go by, a smoother power delivery across the range. I was mightily impressed by the DSG - responsiveness, comfort and ease of use. I doubt I will go back especially once it's come into its own in all those M25 queues. 

Roll on March - we've ordered them only 2 days apart and from the same dealer - so they may arrive together. That'll make a nice photo :)